How to Build Resilience in a Child: Guide for Parents & Schools

Sure, some people are naturally more prone to it than others, but resilience is actually a skill. As such, it can be learned, practised, and mastered. 

Here’s how to build resilience in a child as a parent or teacher. After all, like with any other skill or ability, the earlier one starts… the better!

Resilience in children isn’t ‘just a buzzword!’

Resilience is the ability to successfully adapt to challenging experiences, being able to cope with a crisis both mentally and emotionally. 

Why is resilience important in a child?

A resilient mindset allows children to be better prepared and equipped for the challenges of adult life and those they’re already facing.

Strained friendships, failed exams, lost sports games… learning how to build resilience in a child will lead to them recovering from setbacks in a healthier way.

It’ll also make a positive impact on their mental health, reducing anxiety and stress.

What are the 7 C's of resilience?

The 7 C’s of resilience are:

• Competence

• Confidence

• Connection

• Character

• Contribution

• Coping

• Control

As an adult, learning how to build resilience in a child basically means helping them develop all seven aspects.

7 tips on how to build resilience in a child as a parent or teacher

Let’s tackle one C at a time!

1. Encourage children to solve problems on their own (competence)

Of course, they should know they can count on you!

However, when challenges arise, pushing them to give it a go first is what builds resilience in youth. 

This ranges from daily tasks like homework to asking them what they think could be a solution to some unforeseen circumstances.

2. Reward their accomplishments (confidence)

For children to trust their abilities, they must first feel that they have good reason to do so.

So, praise them when they solve problems and show them why it’s important that they appreciate their own accomplishments, too.

And, when they’re doubting their skills, remind them of that specific time they succeeded with a similar challenge.

3. Prioritise meaningful bonds (connection)

A loving family, reliable friends and tight communities: having healthy relationships to count on helps children develop a strong sense of belonging and security.

They’ll also be less likely to look for problematic cliques and destructive behaviours.

4.   Help them develop their own personality and sense of self-worth (character)

Whether it stemmed from a film scene or an episode at school, have you noticed your children disagreeing or having a strong opinion on something?

Have a conversation! Get them to talk about what they think is right or wrong to help them connect with their true values. 

For example, ask them what they would have done differently had they been in their friend’s shoes.

5.   Show them they can make an impact (contribution)

Group projects, sports, helping their grandparents with their food shopping… Another important way to build resilience in a child is to help them feel they can make a difference in the world around them.

So, when they bring a meaningful contribution, thank them: you’ll increase their willingness to be proactive!

6. Help them be flexible and prepared (coping)

Has something gone wrong? Encourage them to give it another go instead of giving up.

Leading by example is vital, too. You can’t expect a child to react positively to unexpected changes if you often panic whenever some unforeseen circumstances occur!

To overcome life’s challenges successfully, children must also develop a varied range of skills. From problem-solving to reducing stress through mindfulness, this can be achieved through workshops with their friends.

7.   Encourage them to be more independent (control)

Another tip on how to build resilience in a child is to make them see they do have control over their actions and decisions.

For example, encourage them to set themselves realistic goals, and highlight how they achieved something thanks to their decision.

Mastering Mindfulness and Building Resilience: our workshop for children in London and Buckinghamshire

As well as learning how to build resilience in a child, you can fast-track this process for them as a parent or teacher through Brightstarz.

Our interactive workshop focuses on using mindfulness to be more engaged, proactive, and resilient in a challenging world. 

Discover our workshop on mindfulness & building resilience in children   

1 in 5 Kids Battle Anxiety & Mental Issues: How Adults Can Help

As adults, we often make the mistake of dismissing anxiety in children, thinking it’s an issue that only affects you later in life.

Sadly, the reality is different.

Choosing to ignore it would only lead to more children struggling in silence, not getting diagnosed, and lacking actual help.

The reality of anxiety and mental health issues in children

Yes, you’ve read the title correctly: on average, one in five children struggle with some form of mental health disorder, with anxiety being one of the most common.

And I know what you’re thinking: “we all get a little anxious sometimes.”

We do. But that’s not what an anxiety disorder is like.

We’re talking about something that affects both their thoughts and behaviour, getting in the way of their daily life (from school to home and social activities).

How you can help children struggling with anxiety as a parent or teacher

As a coach (and a mother) relying on a qualified advisory board, here are my tips.

1.   Abandon outdated beliefs

I hear them from many parents:

“Everyone’s diagnosed with some mental health disorder, these days!”

“When I was a kid, we didn’t get help for these things, and we turned out just fine.”

As we’ve just seen, however, anxiety and mental health disorders in children are real.

So, while I appreciate it can be difficult depending on your background and upbringing, letting go of those harmful beliefs is the first step toward helping kids.

2. Learn to recognise the symptoms of anxiety in children

These can change depending on their age and personality, but the most common ones include:

• Difficulty sleeping (waking up at night, having bad dreams or even wetting the bed)

• Irritability and being more prone to crying

• Struggling to eat

• Anger outbursts

• Difficulty concentrating

• Lacking confidence, even in front of everyday tasks

• Wanting to avoid ordinary activities like school or meeting friends

• Expressing many negative thoughts

3. Start the conversation

Most children don’t open up to adults because they think we “won’t get it”. So, make them feel that you will!

• As a parent who’s spotted these symptoms, invite them to talk about what’s making them feel so stressed

• At school, this could involve planning talks with the entire class to break the stigma around mental health, having a confidential service in place, and talking to parents individually

4. Encourage children to recognise and manage their own symptoms…

Mindfulness has been shown to reduce anxiety, and it’s nothing ‘woo-woo’! It changes the brain in the same way exercise changes the body. 

For example, here are some actionable tasks you can encourage your children to try when they feel anxious or overwhelmed:

• Acknowledge their own feelings: hiding how they really feel would be counterproductive

• Take a break if possible

• Breathing is the switch that activates the relaxation response. Slow breaths into the belly will prime the brain and body to take over and do the rest. My special tip is to get children to visualise themselves holding a steaming mug of hot chocolate! They can breathe in its rich smell whilst counting to three, hold it for one, and then blow it out for three as if to cool down their drink (and repeat)

On top of that, help them maintain a healthy diet, exercise and sleep better (for instance, no screens within an hour before bedtime).

5.    … but also to ask for help when they need it!

If their symptoms become too much for them to handle on their own, children should be made to feel that it’s fine to be honest about it with the adults in their life.

This could then lead to seeing a doctor or therapist.

Our workshops to help children tackle anxiety - and are available across London and Buckinghamshire

My name is Yvonne, and I founded Brightstarz to give kids and teenagers the helping hand we wish we had when we were their age.

Our Tackling Anxiety workshop is designed to help children understand, identify, and face both anxiety and panic attacks.

Join our list so as not to miss the next one, or let’s plan a workshop in your children’s school.